arbor

Sitting here in arbor again, land of the wifi, ten in the morning on a memorial day, i forget what it is we are supposed to remember, a man just leaned over my desk to tell me about magnolia wellness next door which is a weed dispensary accepting new customers.

Been thinking an awful lot about relationship with body, what are the truths about God that inform and govern how we conduct ourselves re: food, exercise, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep, caffeine, etc. And of course how technology & consumerism super-complicate all of those things. And how Word, faith, and healthy community can be powerful agents of healing. But in the deepest moments of confusion (and there have been/will be many) it has been the most helpful to return to the word worship. God wants – deserves – my worship. Worship is more than a goal, though it is that — it’s why I exist. Raison d’être. The most core part of my being, and I know this is true when I am not foggy or asleep or blinded by selfishness or pain or disbelief. To worship is life.

I have time now to read. More accurately, I always had time to read, but only now am I making time to read.. I think reading is hypnotizing, one form of blessed freedom from relentless self-selfselfselfself. Reading through the Alcoholics Anonymous big book, which has been surprisingly fortifying/encouraging. I never thought I would say this, but i think it’s a hugely important book regardless of whether or not alcohol addiction is a part of your narrative, because we are all addicts to something & chronic self-medicators. Reading satire from ancient rome but also silicon valley (don’t you think reading about yourself / about your culture helps achieve a form of distance / clarity of vision?), reading poetry, of course reading Madeleine L’Engle, reading geeky essays about classical reception…

Man behind counter casting gaze of judgment in my direction because this Oakland cafe is cash only and I spent my last $2.75 here three days ago. Oops.

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