exhaustion & then some

have not been spending my time profitably…wrapped up in worry, sleepless and giddy, feeling floppy and lifeless. and at the same time so pressurized to maximize every moment. 

I have zero inner strength. love is such hard work.

abba I have no one but you & no one like you. need you desperately now. I need you to rescue me from whining, blaming, grabbing. give me more patience to deal with tiring and frustrating moments. give me tenderness and compassion in the middle of difficult,  stilted conversations. when I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick, help me to rejoice because in truth, you are helping me to be rich towards you. change my heart’s desire from building myself up to building your body up. and dear god help me to rest, and to stop shaking…abba I’m messy and sticky. I wanted everything to be straightforward–coming home, moving, catching up, leaving, sleeping, etc. but things aren’t going my way. thank you that I can be assured that things are going Your way. 

I really feel so stupid…help me get over myself

also i repent of doing things out of guilt, envy, insecurity. I do want to be the best.

where does worship begin? I raise my eyes to you. I’m waiting. please show yourself. 

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