sweet jesus save me save us
trying to think feels like … ?
a metaphor won’t even come to mind haha
but in moments like these
no “flow”
no words
overwhelming sense that i cannot keep up, or find clarity, or plumb depth of friendship like im supposed to…can’t desire you like im supposed to

all the usual suspects start gnashing their teeth, selfpity and ..ew. assorted stuff. an overwhelming desire to be alone. wanting to give up. this call is too high. let me just be me. let me just be me, because changing / dying / coming-alive is whitehotsearingpain sometimes

surrendering my moods-i have no control. feel SO weak. weak weak weak small poor.


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