“your life is a cinch!”

well, maybe. i don’t disagree. i can’t disagree.

desperately would like someone to talk to but everyone is either noise or silence right now…or i just haven’t mastered the art of speaking honestly. or coherently. ahhhhhhhh. have been reading and mumbling prayers but still very stuck and empty these few weeks despite so much richness. and i’m back to talking to the internet a la 2009.

going back to work has been really challenging..lost momentum i suppose. it’s like an interruption. keep falling asleep in the day, staying up at night. not hungry not thirsty and bathing/hygiene is more of a service to perform for the sake of the general public.

okay okay breaaaaathe.

discipline in this season means: not giving in to sullenness, continuing to receive and give grace, fighting an urge to run away, fighting an urge to cut off and shut down and refuse to see anybody, giving my best at work. why? only because Jesus. otherwise i’m STUCK.

you’ve purchased me for holiness and i’ve not a clue what that means, dabbling as i do in so much filth and contempt. but i do wanna believe it’s the realest me and that i am free from my old self if only i will put her off already……

but it’s hard yo


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