having no margins whatsoever = difficult to be other-centered. tyranny of self. like not cleaning toxic waste ever ever / letting it accumulate. it’s terrible and unlivable. note to self never EVER EVER have that kind of life as norm, without space for rest or worship. still this season is sovereignly given to me – stress reveals weak points.
psalm 84:11: no good thing does He withhold from those walking uprightly in Him
God graduated me. so carried.
do you love me? feed my lambs
discernment when good human authorities contradict – being so eager to please others makes it tough to choose what is right over what is least upsetting
presence. presence. manyhugs.
i hate causing stress and causing worry especially to the people i love the most. balance between being mindful and being honest about weakness
i can’t be everything & everywhere. i can’t even be at one place fully present fully engaged fully ready to love and serve. but He is…rest in Him.
wrestling wrestling wrestling i want to want to give all of me up in reckless abandon. i long to long. i’m not there yet.
thankful that He is gentle and kind
prayer for the season: that i would never be the same. consumed with zeal for glory of God. my default is to be consumed with zeal for my own glory. there is no neutrality / halfwaypoint.
grateful for the leaky hole-y body that i have with its sleeplessness and headaches and stomachaches and giddy-ness. one day soon it will be good as new. in the meantime pain makes me slower, more sympathetic, more dependent. it is also nothing compared to what i deserve and what Jesus bore.
feels so good to just sit and do nothing.
rest is a friend, but idleness is an enemy. worse, a false gospel. being idle is a slow death.