inevitably started comparing now to last spring break–coming back on Sunday evening, texting z and running like a mad woman straight to tenth’s evening service. walking around after trying to find a cafe to sit in. I remember we only caught the last four minutes but that LG’s prayer moved me deeply. he thanked Jesus for the small garden-corners we each had and asked for faithfulness to till them well.
last spring break I finally passed my driving test, cut my hair short by accident, wrote my thesis proposal at my favorite spot in the north shore. i saw kk for the last time-he wanted purple ice cream and I would have given him twenty tubs if I could have. the last time I visited I went alone, and that was good, and I felt lucky to be there and to share presence.
last spring break I smuggled j into our basement and we went to eat pho with mom and laughed about peers and I remember it was sweet relief from the strangeness of the whole situation. e&r turned up and they unearthed love letters from thirty years ago and we laughed and laughed and laughed until my grandmother started yelling from upstairs and we had to clamp our hands over our mouths in glee
this year I finished the first full draft of thesis, my hair is getting too long and is in a terrible state because to the horror of my mother I neglected to bring a comb to break and haven’t combed in eight days, let alone thought about a hair cut, I miss kk a lot a lot but he is resting much better now. my favorite spot in the north shore has closed down.
I am still tilling, soil is soft, work is hard, but my heart is very full and looking ahead to the milestones that are before me & before us I ask for boldness and banishment of fear. to flourish in a dying world. green olive tree.