intentional

lately a lot more “intentional” relationships, both team and one-on-one.
i.e. hi i acknowledge we are strangers but we are committed to becoming Friends. let us intentionally carve out time to talk & to do things together.

for most of my life this would’ve been a huge anomaly-family through childhood through grade-school, the experience was always friends-by-proximity-plus-filter. i would find myself surrounded by a sea of people and to find My People i would move, in increments, closer to what felt comfortable and natural and similar. i would also move away from what felt uncomfortal and unnatural and different.

well, new things (:

how can i learn to have the same heart & the same love/desire for all sorts of people? i have very lopsided relational muscles. so used to having one very specific kind of relationship/conversation. and that’s why i get so puffed up-i assume i am loving and caring because i know how to care for this one type of person in this one type of context. what silliness!

at the same time battling relational greediness. biting off more than i can chew. going crazy and sending out ten dissertation-length emails without submitting to HS in wisdom and meditation…and then feeling silly & dropping balls.

learned last night about motivation vs. modeling (two ways to read the Bible, the latter without the former is works righteousness and very deadly and also very trendy).

really feeling that there is no corner that the Hope of Glory cannot reach. so very grateful.

this week = being shown a ridiculous amount of favor in my studying & work. need to stop asking whywhywhywhywhy and humbly seek direction and examination.

being freed – practicing the belief that if God grants me crazy success then it is (as always) simply how He is using me in this season. i will be on guard against pride & laziness. i am indifferent to whether He is choosing to glorify Himself in my success or failure, joy or pain. eternal joy is mine in Him…the rest are details.

short term relational goals: learn to be less conflict-averse (ok, more like conflict-PARANOID). loosen direct grip and TIGHTEN the shared grip that Christ has on both of us. i do not have to always be funny/wise/interesting – spotlight-stealing, performance pressure.

figure out how to disable the new tab shortcut.

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