crucial moments can be small–
emailing j, i don’t know why i didn’t do this earlier
coming home changing into PJs drinking chai tea reading in bed
text from w :):):):)
spontaneous time in practice room with Rachmaninov – a kind of joy i’d almost forgotten
wisdom: when to speak and when to be silent. when to trust and when to be wary.
praying, re-centering. manymuchconfusion.
You are absolutely the only one who can satisfy my need for stability, security, strong and constant love. it is unrealistic for me to ask this of the internet, my community, my veryveryveryclosefriendseven, food, my parents, knowledge&understanding. tonight as i sit here bewildered and unsure and on tiptoe…….i am appreciating and soaking in Your steadfast faithfulness. ROCK SOLID. JESUS’ LOVE IS BOTH INTIMATE AND COMMITTED. i am a flake, you are a flake, we are all helplessly selfish sinners, graspers, destroyers. but He folds us into something strong and enduring glued by His grace.
am i doing everything wrong? probably. but i am ready, O lord, to learn. You are one very dedicated teacher. even it hurts, i want to cast off conformity and be transformed/renewed in my mind, daily. i have counted, OH HOW I HAVE COUNTED the cost. the conclusion remains unfailingly the same. there is nothing else worth pursuing with all my life but Your glory & praise
deep breath, i trust You, let’s go