tea & the new year

i had tea (well, coffee) with the father a couple of days ago. since both of us have levels of introversion that are off-the-charts it takes a bit of a push for us to talk more deeply/probingly but once the conversation starts it’s hard to stop. a drip coffee with soy, a peppermint mocha with whipped cream. he asked me in earnest if he should add sugar to the mocha. he also said these words to me and i want to hold on to them: i hope you find it in you to rise above the sadness.

i hope so, too.

as of now i am cautiously optimistic about 2015…it promises much change – many lasts, many firsts. as much as i think i hate change, i’m fairly certain that this is the right time. i am getting really comfortable – perhaps complacent – in my communities & relationships, in my schoolwork, in my bubble. and i’m reminded that the biggest growth in the past 5-6 years has come through rude shocks and unexpected obstacles: sickness, depression, panic, death, heartbreak, disillusionment. they have brought the deepest times of prayer, the most honest seasons of seeking God. i’m also reminded that at every point of confusion, in moments where resolution has appeared completely impossible, my loving God has never once failed to provide a way out that is perfectly orchestrated, perfectly timed.

on new years’ day i sat in a coffeeplace and tried to write down who i am and what is important to me. i came up with:

[identity]
– faith in a holy, sovereign and loving God; life according to the reality of redemption
– loyalty to my family, being committed to their wellbeing in every sense, praying daily for them

[worship]
– serving and being an authentic member of a community of believers
– being always on mission whether in school, at work or otherwise

[stewardship]
– knowing and using spiritual gifts to bring flourishing, being active and intentional with time, words, media
– honoring God with material gifts a.k.a. money, taking care of my body and health

haha, we’ll see. i also revisited many “silly” short-term goals that i had totally forgotten about like keeping a sourdough starter, learning to play the bass, growing herbs, making personal website not under construction (ha!), making a catalogue of music / books that are important, sifting through ALL my email from 2004…..

2014, it’s been REAL. God is REAL. suffering (not just for me / for my loved ones but ALL AROUND THE WORLD) is REAL. but i am going to wager all that i am and have on the fact that LOVE IS REAL. and here. and now. as the song goes.

with absolutely no idea what is ahead of me (and the inability to add even a single hour to my life), but with enough faith in the creator, redeemer and healer of the universe to move mountains and conquer kingdoms: 2015, I GREET THEE.

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