the trouble with trying to erase an idol without reformatting the Heart is that you end up doing lateral idol transference, i.e. you just seek a substitute and sometimes this takes a while to realize and identify and meanwhile you think you’ve vanquished idol X, BAM! nonsense. it is good to be vicious with sin but sometimes my heroism is cowardice aka i am just a little bit more than afraid of emotional trauma / soul ripping plus lazy and in denial about how deep the issue really runs. symptom treatment.

my sin runs deep. but Your forgiveness runs deeper and so does Your cleansing. i will lay these things at Your feet every morning every night every twenty seconds for as many daysmonthsyears as You see fit. forgive my impatience and pride – sometimes i think i’ve spent far too long trying to conquer X and ought to be done with it already see how my accountability partners are getting bored. but i want to be holy for You only. not for me. not for community. not to win the world. gahhhh


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