space

i used to come to this space when i was fifteen and very confused – i’d subconsciously get on bus #33 from school instead of heading home. i’d scribble in cute note books that i had bought from daiso (often with misguidedly translated japanese), sit and stare at my feet for hours and hours at a time. i’d pour out my heart to the universe, maybe to God, and it was tremendously healing.

as it turns out, confusion only escalates with time. thankfully i still have this space to return to, and it is exactly the same beautiful granite amphitheater that i remember it as. i’m also convinced that it must be the single exception to this country’s law of unbearable outdoor humidity.

maybe i am being silly and performing all these little rituals simply for the sake of. i don’t know what i am trying to feel or accomplish. but i think with grace i am continuously learning to laugh — to stop fidgeting and worrying about my disorderly mental/emotional state & foggy heart and to REALLY surrender.

went back to a real oldie Proverb 3 and it was even sweeter because of how familiar the words felt, and because of how i’ve come to think of them not just as a future tense promise but one whose fulfillment has been granted to me & others over and over and over.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
   and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
   and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
   fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
   and refreshment to your bones.

– Proverb 3:5-8

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