more rabbit food

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

 

in the form of: beets, brown rice, avocado, baby kale, dill and plenty of hummus

speaking of which the odd pleasures of living alone include:

  1. eating mostly a mix of rabbit food and junk food with no one to judge
  2. erupting in guffaws at things like linkedin requests
  3. watching bananas in pyjamas and knowing ALL THE LINES ack

but for all that i guess i am seeing how the freedom and flexibility to do absolutely as you please can actually be quite entrapping. false sense of control and self-fulfillment and all that. and so while i have it (both at home and at work) i am glad and grateful but it isn’t pumping me with the waves of empowerment, nor am i quite sold on the sophisticated mess & effortless irony type vibe that is supposed to exude from twentysomethings with independence and cash and some fraction of an education (though i admit it feels nice). and it is tempting. maybe this is why facebook does me no good, not that i can see anyway, because i find myself deprioritizing depth and slowly becoming intolerant of ugliness, including reality that is ugly. everything must be doctored or else ridiculed? i am frightened of losing the ability to confront the truth with grace, with shrewdness but never without hope. more and more i see only what i want to see and my vision narrows: first recentering, then blurry around the edges, then narrowing to a point, to a pixel. a hardened pixel.

i guess a picture of rabbit food became a lot heavier than i intended but this has been churning in my mind for weeks and i don’t know how it resolves. for now, never stop believing there is a fight, never stop believing you are on a side, never stop believing who has won

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