in the form of: beets, brown rice, avocado, baby kale, dill and plenty of hummus
speaking of which the odd pleasures of living alone include:
- eating mostly a mix of rabbit food and junk food with no one to judge
- erupting in guffaws at things like linkedin requests
- watching bananas in pyjamas and knowing ALL THE LINES ack
but for all that i guess i am seeing how the freedom and flexibility to do absolutely as you please can actually be quite entrapping. false sense of control and self-fulfillment and all that. and so while i have it (both at home and at work) i am glad and grateful but it isn’t pumping me with the waves of empowerment, nor am i quite sold on the sophisticated mess & effortless irony type vibe that is supposed to exude from twentysomethings with independence and cash and some fraction of an education (though i admit it feels nice). and it is tempting. maybe this is why facebook does me no good, not that i can see anyway, because i find myself deprioritizing depth and slowly becoming intolerant of ugliness, including reality that is ugly. everything must be doctored or else ridiculed? i am frightened of losing the ability to confront the truth with grace, with shrewdness but never without hope. more and more i see only what i want to see and my vision narrows: first recentering, then blurry around the edges, then narrowing to a point, to a pixel. a hardened pixel.
i guess a picture of rabbit food became a lot heavier than i intended but this has been churning in my mind for weeks and i don’t know how it resolves. for now, never stop believing there is a fight, never stop believing you are on a side, never stop believing who has won