goal #1

of the summer is to sleep. Both the BBC and the Bible say that it is “arrogant” and “in vain” that we impose sleep-deprivation upon ourselves (except it’s funny that the BBC felt the need to put arrogance in quote marks. Don’t offend your audience?). Certainly for some it is not a matter of choice, but for me it definitely is. And then there is thing that I do: I tend to ignore the fact that I chose to participate in this madness — instead, I blame my “stressful environment” or “overloaded plate”. Uh, but I loaded that plate.

I’m not saying it’s terrible to pull an occasional all-nighter, but when it becomes a habit to sleep 3-4 hours a night — and for me it has been a habit — something is obviously wrong. As a lot of friends will know, I am one of those pill-popping and caffeine-chugging teenagers in the article except that I have been not-a-teenager for a while. Sleep is a big struggle. Sometimes it’s worry and insomnia, sometimes it’s a stubborn refusal to sleep until I finish this thing even though I am getting exponentially less productive with every minute that passes. But are they not both in vain?

When I left campus two weeks ago I stopped drinking coffee, partly because of a conscious decision and partly because the high-octane environment had evaporated. I no longer felt the need to do things like RUN out of fisherbennett at 2.50pm to starbucks and RUN back to fisherbennett by 3.00pm (which happened every Tuesday and Thursday in between English classes). After no coffee (or almost no coffee, heh) for two weeks, I am exhausted! I went to bed at 10pm last night. I think this is much better than being absolutely wiped out but unable to fall asleep, which describes far too many nights in the past semester. In vain. In vain. Arrogant because it is God who never sleeps or slumbers, not me. I cannot do it all, and I will not try.

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