brokennesses

Last night a bunch of people dropped by. Last night a group of people who have walked beside me and held me and made me laugh selflessly gave up their time – despite having exams today – to do something beautifully unnecessary. Two came by and blessed me with their conversation and prayers. They were confused by my smiles, I think, but they should know that I was smiling because of how precious they are. One came by and pseudo-pretended to work on a final project, but I am truly grateful for constant support and endless laughs. Many came by and sang my favorite song in the world, complete with musical accompaniment and invisible interpretive dance. They unapologetically picked up my unused song sheets (from a CG that got canceled) and led a time of worship. Their awareness of the state of my dining table is creepy and heartwarming. One prayed over me. One offered a broken pestle & mortar and asked for grace.

Since last night it has struck me that I am the one who needs to ask for grace, and I am the one offering brokenness. My broken, broken love & the broken work of my broken hands and I don’t even mean this in a vaguely modest way but in a deeply specific way. So many moments where my motives have been murky, my heart filled with bitterness and my thoughts unkind. But I take heart that God will not despise my brokenness if it is offered in contrition. I will not worship brokenness but be comforted that God’s way of saving the world from death was through the breaking of His only son — and the reconciliation.

One stayed with me until 2.30am, with tears & hugs & prayers. Difficult to let go but I truly believe we have each other forever. It has been a beautiful year and all glory be to the God who makes beautiful things of dust.

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