Diary, actually

What have I been up to? Spring break came and went in a flash—laughing fits with the mother, togetherness at the breakfast table, afternoons in an art cafe, feeling curiously free with access to a car. I refresh and reset. But the moment I landed I felt as if it had all been no use, the text messages started coming in and messes had to be untangled, worries resurrected from all over the place. I’m now at day two, fighting to keep calm. Isn’t it silly? Worrying cannot add me an hour to my life; I feel sure it has taken quite a few.

Went to Tenth’s service on Sunday evening. Was late and heard all of four minutes of the sermon but it was worth going for. Sometimes I need to hear it be proclaimed over me that God is strong. I get all riled up thinking and dreaming about my empire (this is not much of a dramatic exaggeration either; in my worst moments I do believe I need to conquer things & people & emerge the Best and receive continual assurance of the fact), and forget. The pastor prayed for us to be faithful in our “little corner”, and it is a joy and relief to remember that I am tilling a tiny corner that is given me utterly by grace. And its smallness does not prevent me from entering into all the abundance of His joy.

Remember remember remember.


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