ache is literally my middle name. or the middle-of-my-name.

but He says that joy cometh in the morning. i think of this when i weep in bed at night, as i guess all of us do sometimes. it is so beautiful. joy will come! just wait, just wait.. be still, sleep, and let time pass mysteriously while He restores and heals.

i have this idea that i should be able to objectively evaluate my faith, that it should be able to pass some higher standard that is outside of it. but what i encounter in my life goes against this thinking: i find that when i believe, i can’t understand my former unbelieving self. and when i am cynical i think my believing self to be crazy. faith makes perfect sense — when you have it. if we could be ‘objective’ about our faith it would imply that we are loyal to some external system of thinking. is that right? i am quite muddled.

for now, sleepy.

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