Emotions yesterday argh – out of the blue a really strong sense of bitterness and regret about choosing what I’d chosen for myself overwhelmed me. And so I sat on the floor dwelling on unpleasant things, feeling downright miserable.. It seems so senseless now but there and then feeling was real and scary. I guess that’s always the problem, my feelings are real but I (incorrectly) equate them being real with them being true.
Every thought captive! Leaning on my own understanding and in my short-sightedness, I could only conclude that things weren’t working out, meaning that I must have made a grave mistake somehow. But how could I have forgotten the days/weeks/months of praying and seeking that went into it? And now how can I make the ridiculous assumption that God’s plan for me is anything at all like my own idea of what’s best? Oh how little faith I have.
Proverbs 3:5-6 is something to go back to over and over and I pray I don’t become too proud to relearn and relearn as many times as it may take.