I have every reason to be absolutely contented
Yet I still find myself questioning from time to time whether I should.. change. I see people, young people going about their lives. And there’s always that split-second of doubt which comes before the self-reassuring I’m where and who I want to be, the split-second of jealousy and longing, the feeling of being like… a pitiful lump of charcoal. It’s there. It’s huddled in a tiny corner, but there, nevertheless, and I pray hard I don’t fall into that vortex again.
And arrgh today I overheard (yes I wish I could have less sensitive and non-multitasking ears sometimes) something which felt like a slap across my face. Ah well. Musn’t fall into the trap of magnifying my problems and my hurt again! Lift it to God in prayer.
As it usually is nowadays I’m too tired to continue go sleeeeeeep