bonjour, monsieur/what are you doing here

Frankly I don’t know what I’m doing here, either.

I guess blogging publicly gives me this constant paranoia that someone I wouldn’t want reading my head is doing exactly that, blogging lockedly makes me impose restrictions which arise out of knowing people are kind of forced to read my posts, blogging privately makes me feel suffocated. So this is the ostensible compromise – the highly mysterious and vague public anonymous blog which doesn’t demand attention but doesn’t avoid it.

Oh, I use a lot of adjectives.

Do I want this blog to be honest? Do you want me to be honest? Because something happened over the past year or so (no no not some life-changing event, just an unsatisfying mystic something) and I snapped shut and stopped telling anyone anything that mattered. And I am imploding. Am I?

Why do we seek to “blog to edify”, why are we scared to “sound so self-centered”? Or, “Oh, I don’t blog, it’s so narcissistic”. That.. sounds like reverse snobbery. Standing on moral highground. I don’t know. It’s quite clever, actually: Simultaneously thrash someone for doing something while actually doing it yourself, in the very process of the thrashing. Do it well and no one will notice. Hm.

Hello ohquixotry at wordpress, hello.

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